Today, after a really intense talk about believing in ones'self and leaving the past behind, I was feeling quite good about myself. I really felt that I just might be able to not look back, and continue walking forward like I had so boldly proclaimed. Unfortunately, the past has a sadistic way of rearing its ugly head when you least want it to. And life, hehe! Life has a vendetta against you, all its own. One you can see, one you can feel, but can do nothing to avoid.
Strange are the ways of the world. When you want someone to remain in your life, the world conspires to pull them away from you. When you want them to go as far from you as is possible, the world makes you run into them at the oddest moments. Why does something that belongs to you, cause you so much pain? If things are not meant to be, then why persist? If things are meant to be, then why resist? Why does everything have to fall apart together? It is in these times that one looks for comfort amongst the known. But I, am different. I run away from them. I walk away to protect them from seeing me in that state. I want to be there for them, not want them to see that I too can be hurt. But saying it here, I guess brings it to the open that yes, I do feel pain.
The past refuses to stay buried, and the future refuses to shine. Everything is right, yet things seem so wrong. All I can do in times like this, is brace myself; look up at the world, and hold on ... and hold on...
"But I, am different. I run away from them. I walk away to protect them from seeing me in that state. I want to be there for them, not want them to see that I too can be hurt."
for you it may seem that by sharing your pain .. you're making those close to you upset.. but you probably can't imagine how much more pain you're causing to those who care for you by not sharing your pain with them. By not wanting them to see that you can be hurt, you're just being an incomplete friend.. and denying a very important right to them. You just said that you want your friends to know your thoughts, the kind of person you are.. and we all know that no person has only sunshine in their lives.. they have their rainy days too. If you can shelter us from the rain .. why can't we have that right?
Think about what i'm saying. You're not being noble nor do u appear 'strong' by keeping ur pain in ur head! ur just being plain selfish and convincing ur friends that they're not special enough to know what ur going through .. and be there for u when u need it.
By Shikha Choudhury, at 9:37 PM
wow shikha! i agree with that so thoroughly. i may not be very good at it (as ppl have told me) but when u do manage to be there for someone, it really makes you feel good about yourself, in addition to making the other person hopefully feel better. So yes, i believe in all-out not hiding anything... unless your pain makes the other person feel responsible, in which case, i will definitely try to hide it.
really well written though aditya...
By Ekta, at 1:31 PM