Thought That Counts

because heavy is the head that wears the crown

The delusioned pain
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Friday, June 23, 2006

There are many ways of dealing with the people who hurt you. You can deal with them by ignoring them, or hurting them back. You can just walk away, never to talk to them again, or stay and fight back. But, how do you deal with someone who is close to you, but hurts you thinking its the right thing to do? What if they kick you, kick you some more, keep on kicking you until you fall to the ground bleeding, and then they give you one final kick before saying, 'It's the right thing to do' and walking away..?

People thing they're doing the right thing, and the more power they have, the more right they think they are. But as Uncle Ben said to Peter, 'With great power, comes great responsibilities.' Why do people tend to forget that? Just because they can do whatever they want to, does NOT give them the right to rule the life of someone who is not in a place to. Just because a father pays for everything his child buys and wants, does NOT give him a right to tell his child what to do.

The freedom of choice is not a bargaining point. You cannot exchange choice with materials. Without choice, you are not who you are ... and if you can live with that, then you don't deserve to live. If someone thinks they can buy off your right to choice, they should be dragged to the middle of the street and shot through the head. We have brains, we have thoughts. We have emotions, we have ideas and we have dreams. NO-ONE has the right to restrict them. It doesn't matter how right they think it is, no-one, and oh-so-seriously mean NO-ONE can do that. If parents think they're god to their children, they need a serious reality check as fast as possible.

We are not their obligations. We are their responsibility. We didn't choose to be born, they wanted us to be born so that they could get happiness. Why give birth to a child when you think he/she can't think for him/herself. One doesn't give birth to their kid so that the child worships them. That was the discussion held at this post as well. Its just not right to try and rule someone's life like that ... it just isn't...

You thought women had it tough?
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Talking to Puroitree this morning about the sustainability quotient for girls, we hit the simple yet quite real option of marriage. A girl, who doesn't do well in life, can always get married. Guys (who love their partners) don't have a problem with providing them the money. We cooked up a hypothetical (I mean hypothetical) situation where a guy is doing really well as compared to the girl he likes. Now, something like the girls professional life is not going to stand in the way of them getting married if they love each other. More than anything, it'll be an 'ego' booster for the guy if he sees that he can provide for his girl without any help! :)

I take nothing away from the fact that girls should have a sound professional life, and should do well for themselves. I have nothing against allowing my (future) wife to work if she wants to, and I will do everything in my power to support her. Yes, I will have a slight problem if my wife has to support the family ... in short, if I earn less than her. But with current prospects in place, she might be a little too expensive, and might have to chip in for her own maintenance! :)

For a guy on the other hand, its harder because they, by tradition, are expected to be the bread earners. A guy who can't support his own family is literally looked down upon in this country. The wife is then pitied. Basically, its not a very admirable state. To avoid that, its expected that the guy work harder than the other members in the family, so that he can hold his own head up high, and doesn't have to worry about people talking behind his back! :)

I know a lot female voices might go up (atleast, those who read this excuse of a blog! :P) but you know what I say is true!

Wiping the tear that runs down to my lips...
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Monday, June 19, 2006

Sleep is the regular state of natural rest observed in all mammals, birds, and fish. Sleep is not actually "unconsciousness," but rather, it is a natural state of rest characterized by a reduction in voluntary body movement, decreased reaction to external stimuli, an increased rate of anabolism (the synthesis of cell structures), and a decreased rate of catabolism (the breakdown of cell structures). Therefore, since consciousness is literally the awareness of the surroundings, being asleep is just an altered state of consciousness, as opposed to being unconscious. It is heavily influenced by circadian rhythms and by hormonal and environmental factors. Sleep performs a restorative function for the brain and body as evidenced by the myriad symptoms of metabolic dysfunction that result when animals are deprived of sleep.

The function of sleep in health and in disease is being increasingly studied in specialized sleep laboratories throughout the world. Not only insomnia but more recently elucidated sleep disorders such as sleep apnea and narcolepsy are evaluated in such facilities. The increasing prevalence of sleep disorders is likely to be a function both of more sophisticated diagnostic tests and the disruption of the normal day-night cycle in modern societies.


Sleep is probably the best healer after time. After yesterday's sad post I went straight to sleep, and this morning, though I can still feel the aftershocks of that, its not as bad. I'm listening to Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley (my song of the day extending to a week now). Its just such a beautiful song, with beautiful sets of chord progressions stepping in and out of majors and minors. As he says, "the major forth the minor fifth". Those are actually the chords to the song! :-P Try it!

Secondly, about what happened last night. Just another one of those bouts where you wish your past would go a little differently so that things being over, would hurt less. Thats a little hard to do, unless someone makes a time-machine. Speaking of time machines, there is one in existence. However it can only transport things till the past time when it was turned on. Sort of like a barrier where (|) is the switching on of the time machine, and [|] is the present. So we can only go like this -- (|) <----------------------------- [|]. Yea! Kinda strange, but anyone who wants to take up theoretical physics and reading this have something to look forward to doing. But I'm deviating. So yes, better than trying / wanting to change the past, is to realise that things can't be helped, and to move on! I know, its easier said than done. But hey! I did it, and I expect nothing less from all the others who've been kicked in their past and are trying to lead their lives now. There's a reason its over. Why hold on to it? :)

A morning revelation! :) Goodday!

Hold on...
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I've decided to no longer write in my personal blog, or use it extremely sparingly. For the simple reason that there is nothing that I want to keep hidden from others. If its meant to be hidden, it'll remain in my head. If its good enough to be on the other blog, its good enough to be over here. Some of my best friends come here, and they should know the kind of person I am, and the kind of thoughts I think.

Today, after a really intense talk about believing in ones'self and leaving the past behind, I was feeling quite good about myself. I really felt that I just might be able to not look back, and continue walking forward like I had so boldly proclaimed. Unfortunately, the past has a sadistic way of rearing its ugly head when you least want it to. And life, hehe! Life has a vendetta against you, all its own. One you can see, one you can feel, but can do nothing to avoid.

Strange are the ways of the world. When you want someone to remain in your life, the world conspires to pull them away from you. When you want them to go as far from you as is possible, the world makes you run into them at the oddest moments. Why does something that belongs to you, cause you so much pain? If things are not meant to be, then why persist? If things are meant to be, then why resist? Why does everything have to fall apart together? It is in these times that one looks for comfort amongst the known. But I, am different. I run away from them. I walk away to protect them from seeing me in that state. I want to be there for them, not want them to see that I too can be hurt. But saying it here, I guess brings it to the open that yes, I do feel pain.

The past refuses to stay buried, and the future refuses to shine. Everything is right, yet things seem so wrong. All I can do in times like this, is brace myself; look up at the world, and hold on ... and hold on...

Old is new again!
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Remember the saying "Old is gold, and cannot be sold"? That old pillow, those old shoes. The old tweed jacket, the old scottish cap. The smell of old wood, and the old books. Old friends, old memories. They all really do seem like gold when you look at them at the end of the day. They are the reason you are who you are. They have made you who you are! Its beautiful nostalgia that comes through like a soft glow through the beige curtains, highlighting the little specks of dust as they shine like stars, and finally hitting that maroon couch.

There's something about the feeling of familiarity that you get when you see something again after a very long time. One memory links to the other, and slowly you're back where you started from. It puts a gentle trickle of a smile on your lips, which you brush off as a memory. But if look closer, its actually the consequence of that memory which makes you smile. The mind remembers good and bad things alike, but it learns to laugh at the smaller, useless things in life.

Growing is not a verb. Maturing is not a verb. They are not somethings you can consciously grow. Your memories, and everything behind you makes you who you actually are. Thats why they say, "One who controls the past, controls the future. One who controls the present, controls the past...". Your present is a result of your past, and hence you shouldn't waste it idling. Look at what you've left behind you. Recognise the good from the bad, and let the bad ones go. Thats the only way you'll have something to smile about as you walk ahead.

Why seperate...?
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Monday, June 12, 2006

I hadn't posted in a long time here, plus I found something to think about yesterday while talking to Puroitree ... so I decided to put it up! By the way, my sister celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday, so all the best wishes for her!

We were talking about why its so hard to walk alone. I was of the mind that I'd not need anyone in my life ever again, especially after Praneeta. I had somehow managed to harden myself against the idea that I might show my vulnerable side to others, probably because I was too scared of getting hurt again. No-one likes to get hurt, and me particularly not so, I tried to keep myself away from divulging too much about myself to new people. The ones who're already there knew things that were happening, but I talked less and less about what was happening in my current days with them too.

But when Puroitree happened, I realised that it become so much easier to have someone there with you. Someone to just hold your hand, or tell you to take just one more step through the simmering sand. Someone who can be the motivation when your's fails. A person to just look over you, and be there whenever you might need them. This person doesn't have to be a girlfriend, or even a friend. They are the silent angels that are always behind you, but out of sight until you need them.

There is a reason everything exists in pairs. It's like nothing was meant to be alone. So who are we to try and change the ways of the world? After all, you don't lose anything if you share yourself with someone. You'll only feel better to know that you aren't alone when you walk the long grimey path.

This is in no way trying to imply that I owe all my support and appreciation to Puroitree. I just took her name because I saw how much easier it became the moment I started sharing things with her at that level. I still thank the people in my life who have managed to make a difference. I've always given back what I've got to the people who deserve it, and they will.

I've gotten through to Manipal, and I'll be leaving on the 28th of August if all goes well! Thanks bunch to all the people who helped me get here! You know who you are!

The seeds of human interactions
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Saturday, June 03, 2006

Understanding can become a such a big issue with people, can't it? There are some people who break off completely, never to see each other again. While there are others who just don't get the other person, even though both of them want to. There are times when a seed of doubt can grow up to become a tree of hate so quickly, that it leaves us groping in the dark. And that seed of doubt comes in only because either there is no understanding, or no communication. A third would be just a whim, but that stems from no communication, so I'm not counting that.

Fundamental and unintentional actions are somehow interpreted to mean such big and consequential things. It doesn't help when deluded person doesn't want to be convinced that its nothing. They can only think / want to think that the other person is not being entirely truthful, which furthur strengthens their belief that something is wrong. It forms a vicious circle, you see. One that ends up destroying great friendships if not checked or fixed early on. I find it saddening to see it happen to one of my friends, especially when all my attempts at putting them to ease have been futile.

Why is the human tendency to doubt so strong? Why can't they just trust for once, and let someone else handle their life? Things are not as bad they usually seem, and what one person does in their own life, as long as it doesn't entwin you in controversy, shouldn't affect what you have with that person. Everyone has their circle, you being just an arc from the circumference. You must respect how they behave with their own friends, because they trust them. Won't you feel wrong if someone told you what you should, and should not talk about with your own friends? If I can trust my own friends, why can't you? Especially if you trust me...

Its surprising how people today are born with the idea that trust no-one except yourself. Hurts, which are not meant to be hurts, are taken so badly that the mind freezes to new acquaintances, not seeing that it made a mistake in the first place. I was that scared a couple of weeks ago, remembering how my transition to my new school had faired, and how I was going to go off to a whole new environment all over again (for college). But I realised that running away from people is not the solution. The solution is to be with more people, so that I can see how different people are on earth. The best defence a person might have against the world is experience. Its very easy to put faith, get close to someone without knowing them, and then blaming when the trust is broken. Its harder to put that faith, get that close to someone without knowing them, and then learn them while making mistakes. Whenever someone makes a mistake, they'll get hurt (whether themselves or someone else). That's how life works. That hurt is what pushes us to not make the mistake again. But to run away just so that you avoid getting hurt? No, that is just wrong. Running away from anything, is plain and simple wrong. As they say, "You can run, but you can't hide."

If you don't face it today, you'll have to face it tomorrow. All you're doing is procrastinating, trying to postpone the inevitable and hence, prolonging the hurt. You can avoid the hurt altogether, by being smart about it. After all, the learning part is never the fun part. So, try and learn something new today. Don't be afraid to make a mistake, or get hurt if its not something you wanted or liked. You might be making the same mistake again without knowing it...!

If it's not good enough...
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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Aditya’s previous post was about perfection. I’m a perfectionist as well and people tell me the same. But my kind of perfection is a more personal, more self-serving kind. I consider something to be perfect if it satisfies me. Not if it satisfies the world, or is ‘better’ than the rest. My kind of perfection is utterly uncompetitive. You might think that this type of philosophy would result in my constant happiness with my own work and intolerance toward that of others…because what is stopping me from doing everything I do perfectly? The same things that stop others from doing everything ‘perfectly’.

By keeping that in mind, I am thankfully at peace with the world because my standards are not too high. I never did understand the world’s penchant for demands and high standards (I am not a non-capitalist; high standards are important). But really, we need to remind ourselves more often that the world survives because of variety and balance, which invariably means that while some will touch ‘perfection’, others will go in the opposite direction. What is the there to be upset about? That’s just the way things are and we should learn to not be bothered by it.

Just because I happen to be on this side of the hill, doesn’t give me the right to look down upon whatever’s on the other side. You might now think ‘well of course, the good will look down upon the bad’. And I am not one to say that certain things are not necessarily good while others are necessarily bad, because many things are. Yet, it doesn’t do us any good at all to lament the differences we should perhaps be grateful for. Do I sound selfish? I have never known what it’s like to be on the other side of the hill. The non-perfectionist, the unfortunate, the ‘not good enough’ side. But I refuse to look at the them in a negative (or dare I say, superior) way just because they are the way they are; and even if it is their fault, there’s no point in resenting it. So, this philosophy of mine stands at this: for myself, I can set standards as high as I like as long as they’re not too high for me and don’t result in my being disappointed in myself; with respect to others (i.e. the world at large), “if it’s not good enough, lower your standards!” What say?

ps: once again, this is not about businesses, systems, commercial consumers or leaders, but about ordinary people like us, and the ordinary people we mingle with.

Note: Credit for that quote and probably this post belongs to a poster I happened to read in my chemistry class today.